I have always seemed to have an internal war raging inside me as I try to make decisions. Not necessarily the big decisions...those I can handle. Rather the little day to day stuff. Each day I have to decide what I'm going to do and not do. What am I going to focus on? What chores or tasks must I complete? What can be saved for another day? And hardest of all, what can I let go of and not do at all? Sometimes I am so crippled trying to decide what's the best use of my time, that I get nothing on the never-ending list completed. Ugh!
So I am trying a new process...and it is uncomfortable! I'm trying to tap into my body and my heart and feel my way through the day. There are some chores I must do regularly, like feeding my chickens and taking a shower. I just do those without deliberation. But other tasks I do when I feel like it. So, I wake up in the morning, do the regular stuff, and then tap into my body and my heart and ask, "What do I feel like doing right now?" And here's the hardest part, I go and do that, ignoring all the other things my mind thinks I should be doing. It's helping me to focus on the present moment. In addition to that, my day seems to flow much better, and I am happier. Who knew?!
This is not an established habit yet. Every day I have to fight the urge to make a to-do list and prioritize each item in an organized way. Old patterns can be a challenge to break. And if I'm feeling especially busy or overwhelmed, I will make a list as a way to relax and know I won't forget something important. But most of the time, I'm going within and listening to my inner knowing. I'm getting to know a part of myself that I haven't listened to in a very long time, and we're building a new relationship together....one decision at a time.
-Rose